PUNNY STUFF

Where do surfers go for education? Boarding school.

Dogs aren’t allowed to operate an MRI machine, but cats can.

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.

If you tell one of these jokes and you’re not a dad, it’s a faux pa.

GROANERS

Why doesn’t it hurt if someone throws a can of Coke at your head? Because it’s a soft drink.

What’s blue and doesn’t weigh much? Light blue.

Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they forgot the words.

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician? A yam session.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.

ALL IN THE FAMILY

Dad, I’m hungry. Hi hungry, I’m Dad.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Sometimes I let her sleep in.

I keep all my dad jokes in a dadabase.

I spent a lot of time and money childproofing my house. But the kids still get in.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in seven years. I don’t want to interrupt her.

KINDA CLEVER

I never believed in my chiropractor. Now I stand corrected.

Why do Norwegian boats have barcodes on the side? So they can scan da navy in.

I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting closer and closer. Then it hit me.

Ever try archery blindfolded? You don’t know what you’re missing.

Why do teenagers always walk in groups of 3 or 5? Because they can’t even.